It’s Habit Forming
This is a sneak peek from my upcoming book on parenting! Enjoy and be on the lookout for it.
“They are always paying attention… Always. ”
—Suzanne Moeckel
As a parent, one of the reasons I’m an advocate for fixing the sails on your ship first is learning the benefit of doing it better from the start. It’s much easier to build productive habits when you don’t already have detrimental habits wreaking havoc on your life.
It’s a relatively known fact that your habits dictate how you respond to life and the kind of life you will live. The better and more productive habits you have, the greater likelihood that your kid will model those as well.
I don’t just mean things like brushing your teeth, or making your bed in the morning, though it could impact those things as well. I mean the kinds of food you eat, what you choose to drink, your approach to communication, how you prioritize, the emotions you display, and so on. Even the ways you respond to the circumstances of life. Is the glass half-full or half-empty? All of those are habits built and influenced by your upbringing and experiences.
The better you understand those habits and begin to correct and adjust them into healthy habits, the greater likelihood your kid will too. They do watch what you do and say, align those things. Make what you do and how you act reflective of the values and habits you want in your life and the life of your kids.
It will be of little consequence to your kid what you say if what you do does not also correspond. They will see the hypocrisy of it first. Not the desire to help them. Or, if you’re lucky, they may see a little of both.
I’m proof of it. Many times as a parent I’ve been confronted by my shortcomings. Kids also have a way of being bluntly honest with you at times. When they are, it stings a bit like a swarm of hornets. If you don’t like that stinging sensation, then stop screwing around and start to build better habits. Live out what you think you value. I assure you not all of the habits you have, align with 100% of your values.
If you’re not sure what you value for yourself, then approach it with a different intent. Start by defining what values you want your kids to have. Then, turn that shit back toward yourself and be prepared to live it out. My kids have been the greatest mirror to my shortcomings that has ever existed. If you don’t believe me today, you will someday.
Let’s assume you want something better for your kid than what you got in life. Okay, that’s a pretty basic desire for most parents and a great start, but build it out. Define what the hell “better” means. Better in what ways?
- •Is it about things?
- •Is it about their ability to communicate?
- •Is it about how they respond to challenging situations?
- •Is it about the kind of person you think they are capable of being?
- •Do you want them to be charitable?
- •Do you them to be hardworking?
- •Do you want them to avoid unhealthy relationships?
- •Do you want them to have healthy self-esteem?
- •Do you want them to understand healthy boundaries?
If you want to understand this better, I suggest you get Bypass The Bullsh*t!: Do The Work. It’s a practical book you can dive right into and start fixing your sails.
Obviously, getting it right from the start is the ideal way. Ideal aside, whatever you define as what you want for your kid, know that they will be more likely to develop whatever you model.
If you model things like anxiousness, fear, stress eating, self-doubt, rage, financial instability, and any other traits, your kids are more likely to follow those paths than build new ones. They will model the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s hard to model something you’ve never seen.
Hang on. Don’t give up, all hope is not lost. You can fail at modeling some things you hope for them and instill a desire to be different. It takes diligence in exposing your weakness and being honest with them. It will also mean giving them at least some direction on the model that does work.
